Have you ever looked at a sweet little puppy, the pinnacle of innocence and purity? Have you watched him wag his tail, slobber everywhere, and stare into your soul with those beady little puppy eyes that just melt your heart? Then, have you ever thought, "This puppy has a 98.6% chance of being genetically impure and therefore a 98.6% chance of poisoning the bloodline of future generations, eventually resulting in puppy blobs that voluntarily crawl into traffic just to end their miserable existence"?

We at Donnerkuppel International have. Every animal, every family pet, has only a 1.4% chance of being genetically fit to reproduce (source: Wikipedia.org). The sad reality, though, is that more than that 1.4% consummates their love. This has lead to a ticking genetic time bomb which DICKS scientists have concluded will explode in exactly eleven years.

In 2020, an epidemic of mentally and physically defective animals will be unleashed on the populous.  Cows will produce watered-down milk, cats will fall off ledges and out of trees, and even the birds won't have the strength to fly. The world will be subject to a massive plague of genetic inferiourity, and we as the rulers of it will receive the hardest punishment.

Worry not, friend, for Donnerkuppel International has the solution. Eugenics, a movement started in the 19th century, overrides God's plan. God's plan, the same that includes the epidemic of disabilities, is superseded by man's plan. Friends, we've got man's plan. We've got it right in our hands, and it's called Animal Eugenics.

Through the AE programme, all household pets, farm animals, and wild creatures will be subjected to a mandatory genetic purity test at one of Donnerkuppel International's planned facilities or a licensed veterinarian. If found to be in the lower 98.6%, they will undergo a free medicinal shower to cleanse them of genetic impurity.

The critics of this programme are far and many, but the benefits of it will become clear with times. Hundreds, if not thousands, of animals will be returned to their owners with a new lease on life. A license to reproduce, written on fine silk and embroidered in a presentable and professional style, will be granted on an individual basis with a one year permit to have intercourse.

After a 2 year trial with the Animal Eugenics programme, Donnerkuppel International will re-evaluate the positives and negatives and tailor a new programme, People Eugenics, under the same philosophy. Hundreds, if not thousands, of genetically pure humans will walk the planet along with their pets and interbreed freely. That's the Donnerkuppel Promise.